Ok, did I OD on shrooms or something?

Had weird dreams last night, which I will recount here to the best of my ability.

The earliest I remember, I was in some sort of barn where farmers used to keep their machinery. Later, I was walking around the dorm section of Purdue's campus. There was snow on the ground. This was the earliest part of my dream, so many more things happened, but I can't recall them very clearly. Something about a bus.

Next, I was exploring some weird house that's kind've like my parents' house, but much larger and emptier, but filled with dust and had a half-dozen porches attached. Somebody was with me, but I don't know who. Might've been Kiff, the green guy from Futurama who's always being belittled by Zap Brannigan.

I went to McDonald's with my dad and youngest brother, where I drank sake despite the fact I don't like alcohol. When we were finished with our meal, we went outside to our truck (which we don't actually have) to find that I'd accidentally locked the keys inside. Harry had the bright idea of rolling down the window (don't ask how he did it from outside) and hitting the unlock control, and my dad silenced the resulting alarm.

Later, I was abducted by some sort of crazy demon Santa Clause and wife, who planned to keep me prisoner. They chased me all over their weirdly-laid out house, and when they catch me, they take my normal clothes and give me some weird uniform to wear. I told them that their magic powers were freaky and I'd have to take a while to get used to them.

Scene shifts to some weird anime where winged youths guide dragons in battle against some sort of evil overlord who's trying to take their lands. One of the younger kids sends his dragon against the evil guy's huge helicopter sky-battleship, but all is in vain. The dragon-guiders are captured and their village is destroyed. Apparently, the evil people are in league with the demon Santa.

Somehow I've escaped, so I make my way to a roadside where there's a burrow in the snow. This is a supposedly secret hideout, but the evil people have already been here and raided it. There's instructions here that somebody needs an Ubuntu livecd customized for their network, not just files with information on how to connect to the network. I look across the forest and see my parents' compost pit, then look closer to the burrow and see a raccoon. "Huh, a ray-coon", I mutter. There's a strange taste in my mouth, so I grab a nearby chunk of ice and eat it.

As a final note, I woke up with "Santa Baby" stuck in my head.

The story of Greg

I was afraid, when I started this blog, that I wouldn't be able to keep it going. I feared I'd run out of content. So now, I'll just make up stories now and then if nothing noteworthy has happened. I don't even know if anybody reads this, and it doesn't really matter. I'll just write anyways. Without further ado, here's the first short story in a collection of entirely unrelated ramblings.

Greg is an ordinary fellow. He enjoys hanging out with friends, playing video games, and surfing the web. He has a secret, though, a painful and embarrassing fact unknown by even the closest of his friends. Sure, some people find his fondness for stir-fried bamboo to be a bit peculiar, and his fondness for attacking cucumbers with his feet is a well-known eccentricity. He prefers to be alone, and has little drive for mating. If you haven't figured it out yet, Greg is a panda in disguise.

You might wonder why a panda would want to infiltrate human society. What reason does a big fuzzy creature like a panda have to impersonate a person, to spy on humanity from the inside? The pandas keep to themselves in the forests of Asia, and as long as poachers don't inflict painful bullet wounds on them, the pandas would stay there forever, eating bamboo.

Greg is the first in a series of waves. The pandas are invading. We will soon be exiled to the forests, forced to live on grasses and shrubs. The pandas will take all of our civilization and make it their own. We don't have much time. Check everyone you meet very closely, even your best friends and your family. Are they absurdly large? Are they covered in black and white hair? Do they eat bamboo?

When you find a panda spy, report them immediately. I will be here, barricaded in my room, coordinating the counter-offensive. As a last resort, I have developed a biological weapon capable of eradicating all bamboo ever. I hesitate to use it, though, because I'm fond of bamboo stir-fried with mushrooms.... oh no. They've gotten to me. It's too late for me, but you can still save yourself!