Saturday, February 2, 2008

The story of Greg

I was afraid, when I started this blog, that I wouldn't be able to keep it going. I feared I'd run out of content. So now, I'll just make up stories now and then if nothing noteworthy has happened. I don't even know if anybody reads this, and it doesn't really matter. I'll just write anyways. Without further ado, here's the first short story in a collection of entirely unrelated ramblings.

Greg is an ordinary fellow. He enjoys hanging out with friends, playing video games, and surfing the web. He has a secret, though, a painful and embarrassing fact unknown by even the closest of his friends. Sure, some people find his fondness for stir-fried bamboo to be a bit peculiar, and his fondness for attacking cucumbers with his feet is a well-known eccentricity. He prefers to be alone, and has little drive for mating. If you haven't figured it out yet, Greg is a panda in disguise.

You might wonder why a panda would want to infiltrate human society. What reason does a big fuzzy creature like a panda have to impersonate a person, to spy on humanity from the inside? The pandas keep to themselves in the forests of Asia, and as long as poachers don't inflict painful bullet wounds on them, the pandas would stay there forever, eating bamboo.

Greg is the first in a series of waves. The pandas are invading. We will soon be exiled to the forests, forced to live on grasses and shrubs. The pandas will take all of our civilization and make it their own. We don't have much time. Check everyone you meet very closely, even your best friends and your family. Are they absurdly large? Are they covered in black and white hair? Do they eat bamboo?

When you find a panda spy, report them immediately. I will be here, barricaded in my room, coordinating the counter-offensive. As a last resort, I have developed a biological weapon capable of eradicating all bamboo ever. I hesitate to use it, though, because I'm fond of bamboo stir-fried with mushrooms.... oh no. They've gotten to me. It's too late for me, but you can still save yourself!

1 comment:

kialari said...

You are so strange.